We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
