you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
