She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
