Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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