Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
