My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize