it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
