dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
