He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
worst night to have a conscience
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
