Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
