he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
