Your tits are I can't wait for
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
