my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
