You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
