...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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