I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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