I got chris browned last night
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want to walk on stilts...naked
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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