Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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