they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will be naked everywhere
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
