I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
then he tried to convert me to islam
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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