ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
