Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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