so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
