She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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