My room smells like vodka and shame
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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