I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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