You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
