dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
