Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
