all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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