He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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