Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
