I heard we made out
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
