Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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