So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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