How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
