I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
