so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
