I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
