Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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