I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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