This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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