I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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