Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
