This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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