I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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