Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
