It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
