I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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