i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
