Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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