ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize