I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
