My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
