I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
