you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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