Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
