she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
