Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize