they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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