I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
