I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i now understand why vodka
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
