tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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