Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
