Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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