I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize