dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize