When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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