If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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