My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
